During this year-long ordeal, my feelings regarding selling our first home have yo-yo-ed. One day I want to cry, sad to leave my first house. I end up wanting to spend the rest of my days in the house where David and I rebuilt our lives after restoration. Other times I want to speed up the process and move onto the next chapter of our lives.
I expressed my feelings to David and was a little surprised that he also is experiencing the same yo-yo feelings of should we stay or should we go. Funny enough though his reasons were more practical whereas mine were mostly emotional and nostalgic.
I am reminded of a time in my life where my feelings drastically changed from one minute to the next. David was gone and living his life. One day I would cry wanting to save my marriage and keep the vows I made to my husband. Sometimes the crying was for a much less noble reason and I wanted to ring his neck for betraying me. Other days, I vowed to move on with my life and not care about him as much as he didn't care about me. It was an exhaustive time in my life.
After David and I reconciled, he admitted to me that he too faced those same yo-yo feelings. He often times considered returning home and then decided against it for one reason or another. I was shocked to hear such a revelation. I would have never guessed it. He always seemed so sure of his decision to leave.
Are you experiencing the "Should I stand or should I go" conundrum? I have learned and have been reminded that emotions and feelings are poor substitutes for God's guidance. Our emotions are so unsteady and swaying just like a yo-yo. But God is constant and His word never changes.
In retrospect, I can see how the enemy was at play in those days. Fueled by anger and melancholy usually ended in my decision to no longer stand in the gap. My most rational and spirit filled decisions came from God's word and through meditation.
If you find yourself yoyoing emotionally, I urge you to stand firm and grab ahold of the constant rock that never changes and offers a solid ground to STAND firm on.
If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him; he will not resent it. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to tell you, for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind; and every decision you then make will be uncertain, as you turn first this way and then that. If you don’t ask with faith, don’t expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.
James 1:5-8P.S. For the meantime, David and I decided to stay a little longer in our home. God worked it out for our overall good and it had nothing to do with my nostalgia.