What Are YOU Doing for Baltimore?

I am still recovering from the flu but today is the first day, in a few days that I have been able to even look at my screen, so for that I am grateful.

Hearing of all the tragic news surrounding Baltimore, I had to risk a headache to reach out to you all.  My heart is so saddened by what is transpiring there and I felt so helpless. When I hear of such sorrow on a massve scale like this brought on by human actions, I even can feel hopeless.

It can sometimes feel like we Christians are in the background while the enemy is front and center. It appears that we are losing and he is winning. The hold that he can have on so many that can create such hate, violence, looting and murder (on both sides of the law) can be overwhelming.

Just looking at the news footage, most of who you see are teenagers and young adults. We are losing are youth rapidly and destructively. Where do we fall in the scheme of things. Should we simply turn our backs because they are not children or it isn't our town. Never let it be.

If teenagers and gangs can create such a riot, why can't we as a united front, create a spiritual riot? Chains need to be broken there and if not us to pray and break those chains, then who? Please don't think you can't help. Prayer is more important than the power and hatred.

We need to put the enemy under our feet and claim back what was stolen. Our children, our youth, our cities, our safety, our peace.

I URGE you to please pray with my wholeheartedly for Baltimore and its residents. Don't just believe that someone else is praying and that you don't need to. That is a lie of the enemy. We all need to gather is His name.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

I promise that when any two of you on earth agree about something you are praying for, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 Whenever two or three of you come together in my name,[d] I am there with you. Matthew 18:19-20

Break Every Chain - Tasha Cobbs

Break Every Chain - Jesus Culture

Smarty Pants

I grew up with parents whose education was limited due to their circumstances, so my mother never helped with homework. She couldn't. At an early age I learned to rely on myself in order to get things done. I studied and did homework alone.

By fourth grade, I was admitted into an excelled academics program and never looked back. I remember being in the fifth grade and had a major role in the school play and asking my aunt for helping learning my many lines. She refused to help me. I vowed never to ask anyone for help ever again. Rather than just learning my own lines, I memorized the entire play. Yep, I knew everyone's lines.  

All the way through high school I was an honors student and graduated in the top ten percent of my graduating class, all on my own. I got my first real job at 14 and worked up until I got married. My parents provided for my basic needs but anything extra I had to work and pay for myself.

I am not complaining, however. It taught me the value of hard work and I appreciated what I earned. Nevertheless it also warped my thinking into believing that I had to do EVERYTHING on my own. You know the old adage, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." That was what I lived by. Admittedly I still have an issue asking anyone for help. If I don't know the answer to something, I research it until I do. Thats probably why I am so good at Trivia Crack...lots of useless information in my brain.

When it came time to letting go and letting God I was stuck. I simply didn't know how to do that. I wanted to, I really wanted to. In my heart I knew I couldn't do it better than He could, but my head wouldn't get out of the way. More times than I care to admit, I stuck my two cents into a situation that I had handed over to God and EVERY SINGLE TIME, I made things worse. I was so arrogant in my intelligence. I thought I always knew best.

I literally had to see myself fail over and over again before my head finally got the picture. I knew I was supposed to live by faith and all of that, but I just didn't know how to do that. I had to fall flat on face due to my own plans before I finally gave up. 

So if you find yourself messing up many many times, please don't be discouraged. God is waiting in the wings ready and able to take over the reigns but only when you are ready to let go. It is only when you are at your wit's end and let go that He can truly move and than He may be glorified. 

Don’t let the wise brag of their wisdom. Don’t let heroes brag of their exploits. Don’t let the rich brag of their riches. If you brag, brag of this and this only: That you understand and know me. I’m God, and I act in loyal love. I do what’s right and set things right and fair, and delight in those who do the same things. Jeremiah 9:23-24

Wondering Wednesdays #4 - I Need Advice

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

This is so hard. I was wondering if you had any advice?

Straight and to the point. There is no way around the pain. You are supposed to be in pain and this is supposed to be extremely hard.

I know you were probably hoping for a more tangible response. A how-to get rid of the pain response, but the truth is, the pain is part of the journey. If it didn't hurt so much, you wouldn't care to find a solution. If it didn't hurt so much, you would have moved on with your life and not given restoration a second thought.

If it wasn't so difficult no marriage would end in divorce BUT there would be so many people who wouldn't have given their lives to Christ in the process. That includes me, David, my three children, a few family members and some of you who gave their lives to Christ as a result of my testimony. I would have never imagined enduring so much pain could result in so much eternal life.

However, God didn't cause this pain and if truth be told, I am sure you can think of reasons where both you and your spouse have failed. If you believe you have no blame, that is another matter altogether. Like in the story of Job, God is allowing the pain in hopes that you turn to Him for the answer of how to find true peace. You can only find true peace in Christ.

When times got especially difficult for me, I had to take a step back from pain and look at the bigger picture. For me, my #1 priority eventually became David's salvation. I made a promise to love him no matter what and I was determined to keep my vow. If I gave up when times got hard, how did that make me any different than David when he walked out when it got hard? It wouldn't.

So when David said hurtful things or moved on with his life, I had to take my eyes off of him and put my eyes on Him. I found that when I began to move on with Christ, me heart and life shifted.

In this pain God wants to reveal Himself to you and if you TRULY seek Him, you will find Him. I PROMISE you that a deep personal relationship with Christ will help you go through the fire. He never said you wouldn't endure hardship but He did say that He will be with you through it all.

So my advice in a nutshell...

Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [CONSISTENLY] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). Psalm 55:22

Together Tuesdays - David's Softening Heart

Over the years, I have had lots of women ask me questions about David's point of view. Since I can not speak for David, he has wonderfully agreed to share his side of the journey and answer your questions. As the Lord leads us, some Tuesdays will be dedicated to us posting together, our sides of each question as a husband and wife and a stander and prodigal. So please feel free to reach out to us with your questions.


Our question today comes from Mary. She asks:

David, what changed your mind about Erica? How did you start loving her again?

DAVID: It took a while before I started to have feelings for Erica again. At first I was content with living single, focused on my career and being able to do what I wanted to do. I didnt have to answer to anyone. I was so focused on my career and the fast track I was on. I felt that we just didn't have anything in common.

To answer your question, I did not start to have a change of heart toward Erica until almost a year after we seperated. I started to see a change for the better. Erica found Christ & a great church. I was happy to see a change in her and to see her with such different beliefs. Growing up Catholic I had never experienced different views of religion and her's confused me. I found her beliefs intriguing yet not necessarily right for me. I ended up visiting the church that Erica was attending out of curiosity. We started to talk about my experiences while there and our new found faith gave us a starting point for being on the same page.

I didn't own a bible and to my surprise Erica purchased me a study bible. We started reading together every night. Little did I know, that one encounter with God after visiting Erica's church is what gave us a breath of fresh air in our relationship.

ERICA: Thanks Mary for the question. I can not obviously answer this question but I can tell you my side of what David has said. During my stand, I also didn't own a bible and purchased a King James Version because it was pink...lol. A friend and mentor, Karen, blessed me with a study bible and it was my lifeline. I still own the bible but it now has no cover and is truly worn. It was truly put to use. Knowing that David didn't own a bible and his hinting at wanting one, I felt so led to bless him as I was blessed, not as a ploy to get him to read with ME, but simply because I wanted him to read the bible. I was so happy that I was able to help provide a way for the seed my church planted to grow. My main priority was his salvation.

In My Restoration Journey I wrote about the role our home church played in our restoration. I will forever be grateful for the loving people who had (and still have no idea) such an impact in our lives simply because they were and still are warm and loving Christian people.

If you would like to send us your questions, please visit the Contact Page.

Open Your Eyes

Several months ago, while sitting in Sunday service, the Lord gave me a prophetic vision for someone. Everytime I am given a vision for someone else (its happened only a handful of times), I get really nervous. Sometimes its good news, other times its a warning.

This particular vision was for a woman who was having marital problems but God's message was a beautiful vision for her. It was about her future in particular but I also saw her husband by her side. However, it also came with a warning.

Sometimes people don't care to hear warnings, especially from someone who has no credibility as a "prophet." Let me just get this out of the way now. I am not claiming to be a prophet. The Lord simply uses me every now and then to deliver a message and visions is how he communicates with me what He wants to share.

This woman was excited about the blessing but had a bit of a hard time accepting the warning but was gracious enough with me and thanked me for being a faithful servant in delivering God's message.

Unforunately, she chose to not heed the warning and as a result her heart was hardened and she decided to stop fighting for her marriage. She instead filed for divorce. It broke my heart but I am only the messenger and once a heart has hardened, no words from me can change a person's mind. I have to just trust God to reach her some other way.

The whole point of me writing about her was to make you aware of how the enemy is crafty, cunning and out to steal your blessing with DISTRACTIONS. A particular distraction.

This beautiful woman of God got distracted. A woman who grew up in the church and had a thriving ministry gave in to this distraction. As I stated, the enemy is crafty. He knew what she lacked in her marriage and what she wanted most - a faithful husband that would fight for her and their marriage. Up until her distraction she was wanting to save her marriage.

Being as cunning as he is, the enemy enticed her with a "Christian" man that gives her lots of attention, as well as her young child, although she is still married. Just like that, the beautiful vision God had for her was thrown to the wayside and the enemy succeeded in stealing her blessing.

Have you been paying close attention? Has someone been distracting you? Is there a woman or man that has caught your eye and they seem like a better solution than the enduring pain of standing for your spouse? Don't be fooled. The enemy is on the prowl and you are his target. Open your eyes and be wise. This man or woman that has tempted you is not a gift from God whether they know you are married or not.

Be even more careful if they claim to be a Christian and know you are married, yet they still pursue you. That is a nicely wrapped trap.

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. 1 Peter 5:8

P.S. Some readers may feel the need to criticize this woman. If so, you are missing the point of this post entirely. My point in telling you this story isn't to condemn her. Rather than judge her, pray for her. It is also a warning to all of us, to keep our eyes open so that we don't end up throwing away a blessing. So my prayer for her is that God's will be done in her life, whatever that may be.

I Could Have Missed This

My three beautiful children are all Spring babies. Each born only two weeks apart. This week I am celebrating the birthday of my baby girl. It is her first birthday. I am blown away how fast the year has passed. She is small for her age but fiesty. We call her Napoleon. She LOVES her big sister and loves to beat up and climb all over her big brother. She likes to yell "out" and growls at people (she learned that from her nutty uncle). Her favorite kids song is Wheels On The Bus, but loves to dance to Taylor Swift (like I said, she hangs out with her sister alot). She looks nothing like me, but she is indeed beautiful. 

I don't mean to be a braggart about my daughter. I am actually being a braggart about my God. My baby girl fills my life with so much joy. Now I can't imagine my life without her but God blessed me with her.

Six years ago, I would have never dreamed that David and I would have another baby. He didn't want me and restoration often times felt hopeless. There was only so many times I could hear him say that it was over and we were nevering gettingback together.  Equally, there were SO MANY TIMES that I just wanted to give up and move on. There came a time that I didn't even want restoration.

But God. Oh my sweet God, had a plan for my life that I could not have imagined. He told me that I would have another baby, but I just couldn't see it in my future. He told me to stand, but I couldn't see restoration either. He told me to stop being so nearsighted and rely on Him. 

Even after restoration, David and I tried for almost two years to have a baby and I just couldn't get pregnant. We gave up on that dream but God had a plan. The biggest surprise of my life came when I learned I was pregnant. A flood of memories, thoughts, prayers and emotions overwhelmed me. Several years had passed since we had first tried to get pregnant again and here I was carrying David's baby. He was so excited, he could hardly contain himself. 

I look at her now and she is such a blessing. I can't contain the tears as I think back to the times I almost gave up on my journey. I feel a little stabbing pain when I think that I could have missed this time with such a precious baby girl. She would have never existed had I chosen to give up when it got hard. 

I am not minimizing the difficulty of standing. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. However, it is also the most rewarding. She is my miracle restoration baby. I thank God for leading me to a better future although the journey getting there was difficult. 

So please don't give up. God has so much in store for you if you just hold on.

Great Expectations

Every season of my life brings about Great Expectations. When I was a child, I wanted to be a pediatrician, then an architect, then a teacher, and be rich etc.... When I entered college I wanted to save all of the children and wanted to major in social work. When I got engaged I expected to have the sweet puppy love forever. When I married, I expected that we would loving mature adults and never go to bed angry. When I had my first child, I thought she could be the first woman president or something just as great, so on and so forth.

My expectations have fallen short. That would usually seem like failure, but nothing could be furthest from the truth. I am richer and more successful than I could have imagined. Not in the monetary sense or according to the world, but according to my savior.  

When I learned to wait expectantly for His plans, my plans fell to the wayside along with my disappointments and I ended up happier and more blessed. Although I am not a school teacher, I am a bible teacher. I am not a social worker but I used to foster children. I am not an architect but I try to help build lives for Christ. I am far from rich, but I do not go without. 

I would have never imagined being a published author and having a restored marriage and a miracle baby and the I can go on and on. 

Have you placed expectations on your stand? Have you expected a quick and speedy restoration? Have you expected a more powerful reply to your prayer? Have you expected a sudden change in your spouse or circumstance? Have you expected repentance from your spouse? 

What are your expectations? Are they keeping you trapped and disappointed when you can't see them coming to pass? Where have these expectations come from? Are they your own desires or someone else's testimony that you desire for yourself.  Has God revealed thsese to you?

God has the perfect plan laid out for you. Lay aside your great expectations for God's unknown plan and step out in faith that He has your best interest at heart. His plans always end in victory. You may not see your spouse responding but God can see what we can not. You may love the testimony of a restored marriage, but your restoration story will be different and more meaningful and personal to you. Your prayers do not fall on def ears. God hears you. The seeds that have been planted or will be planted in your spouse need time to grow, just as seeds in the natural do. 

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27:14 AMP

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think." Isaiah 55:8-9

Please do not misinterpret my words. I am NOT saying not to make plans for your life. I am saying to seek God's will for you and your life. The blessed life is the life that is planned with His will.

Wondering Wednesdays #3 - Intimacy

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

I was wondering if you and your husband were intimate during your separation?

In short, yes. David and I were intimate several times during our separation. The first time was a few weeks after he left and I thought we would be restored right then and there, but he fled from our apartment so fast my head spun. The look of regret on his face tormented me. Aferwards he told me that it could never happen again because it was sending me mixed signals and he had no intention of reuniting with me. Ouch!

That lasted a little while before we were intimate again. One thing led to another. That once again led to his informing me that it didn't change anything between us and my hopes fell flat again.

That happened several times and it wasn't long before I didn't want to be intimate with him at all. I felt cheap and used. I always complied however because he was still my husband and that was my duty. I hated that he was getting the best of both worlds. He had the benefits of a husband but didn't want to be one. The more I thought about that, the more I resented intimacy. 

In my anger I told him that once we were divorced there would be no more sex. It was just that plain and simple. He opened his eyes wide and laughed, but I was so deeply serious. 

There came a time when I had some women's health complications and David thought I could possibly be pregnant. I thought I saw a twinkle in his eye and I had mixed emotions. Would he come home if I was pregnant? If he did, would it be for the baby and not me. But at least he would be home. But he wasn't saved and how could I share my life with a nonbeliever. Turns out I wasn't pregnant and I know that was for the best. 

David and I continued intimacy throughout our separation and he later told me that he wasn't intimate with anyone else. I was so very grateful to hear it.

COMING SOON: I have a post coming up regarding sex during standing. This post was just my experience and not necessarily biblically accurate or inaccurate. 

Choose

Other than God, the first person I am willing to go through the fire for is my husband. Not because of him but because I want to be that wife to him. My love for him must be unconditional and unwavering. That is the wife God calls me to be. I CHOOSE to please God. There are times when David and I are at odds. In those moments, I CHOOSE to love God and that means being a good wife to David whether I feel he deserves it or not.

No matter how David chooses to treat me, I CHOOSE to be a pleasing servant of God and love David unconditionally. How David chooses to be a husband is between him and God. 

I know its hard to love on a spouse who is not deserving but God has called us to be bigger than our emotions.

So when times get rough and you find it hard to love your spouse, switch your focus. Choose to be a faithful servant of God and seek to please Him first. Be that good spouse not because of your wife or husband earned it but because that is what God has called you to do.

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 1 John 3:18

Added Note: David and I are joining together to bring you a blogpost 2 Tuesdays a month. We are calling it together Tuesdays. We will be answering any questions you may have for us together or if you have any questions for him. So please be sure to send us your questions.

Its All About You

Its been almost 7 years since I have been saved and born again. Which means it has been almost 7 years since my restoration journey first began. Looking back at the last seven years is sort of mind blowing. Let me be the first to tell you that it has not been easy. I have never gone through as much as I have in the past 7 years as I have in my entire life.

People assume because I have a restored marriage that David and I just rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. NOT! The devil fights DAILY against my marriage. It gets exhausting but I know he wouldn't work so hard against me unless he was afriad of something.

It is now looking back at my journey that I can see why God allowed so much to happen and why I had to endure such heartbreak and hardship. God was toughening me up for the battles that would come after restoration. Not just marital but for my self battles.

I believe now more than ever that my restoration journey was truly ALL ABOUT GOD AND ME, not David and I. My marriage was the circumstance he used to get my attention. It was the situation that He allowed to help shape and mold me. The marriage restoration was second to my restoration to him.

I often say that my restoration journey was the best thing that could have happened to me and if I could do it all over again I would. While I do love David and I am so blessed with him, my marriage is not the reason I would go through the fire and back.

During my journey I got to know and love God. Jesus became my Lord AND Savior. I couldn't imagine my life without Him now and I know it was because of my journey. It was through all of the hurt and pain that I was able to know God on a much deeper and personal level. He showed Himself to me in the midst of my trials. He was indeed made stronger in my weaknesses.

So I urge you today to take every pain and every circumstance and use that as a way to get closer to God. Not for marriage restoration but for YOU. This situation you find yourself in is ALL ABOUT YOU and how God wants a deeper relationship with you.

My realtionship with God was so wonderful that I began praying to not be restored. Imagine that! God was such a wonderful husband to me and I didn't want that to end. I prayed for David to be saved but that didn't require being married to me. It was then that David's heart was truly beginning to turn back to me and I had to pray to love David again because I didn't want to be his wife.

God reminded me of His plans for my life and my feelings were short lived. I did fall back in love with David and still am, deeply. But my love for God is beyond compare. David feels the same way. It took him a while to get there, but his relationship with Christ has grown by leaps and bounds and I LOVE that he loves God more than me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Do you know how special YOU are? God is seeking to have a personal relationship with you. During your journey take time to look at what is the most important and you will never regret it whether your marriage is restored or not.  

Prayer For My Spouse

Heavenly Father, You are gracious and loving.
I am thankful for the unmerited mercy and forgiveness I receive daily.
Your lovingkindness knows no bounds.
Although I am not worthy, you love me still.

Father God, teach me to love like you.
To love my spouse, although I may not believe him worthy,
Just as You love me despite all of my flaws.
Teach me to forgive him, as you have forgiven me.
To forgive, not when my spouse stops sinning, but now just as You forgive me when I ask,
Help me to forgive and forget freeing me from the bondage unforgiveness can hold.

Show me how to be the spouse you are calling me to be.
To honor my vows despite whatever the circumstance may be.

Father God, I ask that you place a blanket of protection over my marriage.
Your word says that what is bound here is also bound in heaven.
Keep malicious and wicked men and women from my marriage.
Bind up their attempts to destroy our marriage and our walk with you.

Instead place us on a path to be an encouragement to others.
Place those in our path that we can witness to of your greatness
and how a good marriage can be when Christ is in the center of it.

May your light shine through me today and always.

Bless my spouse today.

Your loving servant.

Wondering Wednesdays #2 - Will My Marriage Ever Be Restored

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

I was wondering if you think my marriage will be restored? I have been standing for a long time.

To answer this plainly and fairly...time has nothing to do with the outcome of your restoration. In fact, time is relative. What may seem like a short amount of time to one, can seem like an eternity to another. When we get wrapped in time frames, we begin to link that to the success of restoration and lose focus on God's ability to do any and all things.

While I do believe that above statement with all my heart, I realize that some of you may be looking for a little more in depth  answer and so I am going to oblige you. 

There is no magic number of days, months or years that determines restoration. Each restoration story and journey is different. And while I can't tell you if your marriage is ever going to be restored, I can tell you that SOMETIMES restoration takes longer because God is trying to change YOU but you aren't cooperating. Yep, you are the one hindering your own restoration.

Other times God wants to test you as He did Abraham to see if you are willing to go the extra mile and trust Him completely. You may have failed a few times, thus setting your restoration back.

And many times, God is changing your spouse into the Godly spouse that you deserve and need so that together, you can accomplish His will for your marriage.

Have you ever read the back of a cake mix box? After all of the mixing instructions are listed, the baking instructions are listed.  Preheat at this temperature. Bake at this temperature. If your pan is a square pan bake at such and such temperature for so and so minutes. If your cake pan is round, bake at such and such temperature and so forth and so on.

Who would have thought that although we are all using the same ingredients (mix, eggs, oil, etc...) that the time and circumstance of each cake would differ. Don't even get me started on cakes being baked at higher elevation levels.

The same can apply to restoration. We all use the same ingredients (God, bible, prayer) but all of our pans (circumstances) and temperatures (how we allow God to change us) will determine our bake time. And if we take the cake out too soon, because we are impatient, we end up with a cake not ready for consumption. 

Even worse is when we choose to turn up the heat assuming that it will bake the cake faster and we end up with an overbaked cake on the outside but  raw on the inside. When we choose to pressure our spouse or ourselves into a time frame and force restoration, we end up with anry and tired spouses (overbaked, too done with us to want reconiliation) who are emotionally and spiritually empty towards us (not ready to be your spouse emotionally and spiritually therefore unable to do God's will effectively.)

Lastly, sometimes God is just waiting to restore a marriage so that He can be glorified. I am reminded of the man born blind. (You can read this in Book of John: 9) Someone asked Jesus if he was born blind because He or his parents and Jesus replied neither. The man awaited restoration for YEARS and YEARS so that the appointed time, when he was finally restored physically it would be only be God who received the glory.

So ask God to help you see where you are lacking? Show God that you trust Him completely and when the time comes to prove put on the full armor of God and do it! Pray for your spouse to have an encounter with God. Not just for restoration but for their spiritual well being. Lastly, if God asked you to stand for twice the amount of time you have been standing, so that He may be glorified, would your answer be pleasing to Him? Have you gotten so caught up in your spouse and restoration, that you have forgotten that God has called you stand first for Him and then your spouse?

To Sign Or Not To Sign

Signing (or choosing not to) is always a hot topic of conversation with spouses trying to save their marriage. I have heard reasons for signing and not signing. With both sides usings cripture to back up their belief, one can be left wondering what to do. It is my hope that this post will lead you to a place pf peace whether you feel that is to sign or not.

Honestly signing or not signing isn't the issue. It is simply a heart matter. You have to ask yourself truly why you are choosing to do either. It all comes down to your motive.

Someone recently said that they were not going to sign the papers and went on to say that God doesn't approve of divorce. She would fight with everything she had to keep the divorce from happening.

I thought of David when I read this and when I first decided that I wasn't going to "allow" him to divorce me, how livid he was. I felt vindicated. Finally something I did and said got a rise out of him. He felt a little of the anger I was feeling for weeks.

I am so glad that I changed my mind. I realized (and fortunately early enough) that not signing was pushing David away. Not signing was a tactic of getting what I wanted on my terms. That translated into not trusting God to fight for me, but relying on myself. My heart was definitely not in the right place no matter how much I manipulated scripture to back me up. I was such a Pharisee. I used scripture as a crutch but God said first and foremost love. Keeping David hostage and thinking I could work things out better than God can was not love at all but selfish and self-righteous.

I realize that God hates divorce. I won't even argue anything to say the opposite, But I didn't file for divorce. I simply did as my husband asked of me. Like in any other situation, I had to be an obedient wife even if it hurt me. So therefore I was not displeasing God. In fact it was the exact opposite. I relied solely on Him and in the process remained the loving and obedient wife he called me to be. I trusted God alone to fight my battles for me. I didn't need a lawyer. God was my lawyer and His counsel was top notch.

I had no desire to hold my marriage hostage and when David asked me to sign the papers I told him that I would not fight him. Amazingly enough I later found out that it didn't matter if I signed or not. The divorce would have gone through anyway. So imagine fighting David, and pushing him further away from me would have been for nothing because the result was still unfavorable to me. I had asked him to please find out if I needed to go to court and if it wasn't necessary that I preferred to not go. He informed that I didn't need to appear in court, but it didn't even come to that.

After many events, (none of which were my doing) David stopped the divorce AFTER I had already signed the papers and God softened his heart towards me.

I am a realist and realize that my story, is not your story. I realize that there are going to some people whose divorce is going to be finalized. But my question to you is this. Do you believe that divorce is the end? Is God not greater than divorce?

I will not lie and say that signing was easy. It was hard and I was angry and sad. I cried and then cried some more. But signing was a huge turning point for me. It was then that I truly let go and let God. Not because I was so spiritual, but because I had no other choice. It was now truly God's way or no way. I had to take myself out of the equation. Eventually I found peace in not worrying about court dates and lawyer meetings and all that jazz because to me the divorce was as good as finalized. My heart had already accepted that I was no longer married and could now truly just live for God. In a bizarre way it was freeing.

If you find yourself not wanting to sign the papers, please check your motive. Are you not signing simply to spite your spouse? Do you believe holding your marriage hostage will soften your spouse's heart towards you? Are you afraid to take a HUGE leap of faith and allow God to fight your battles? Do you even know if your signature is even needed and you are battling for the sake of battling? Is your decision putting you at peace?

God has called us to love and be at peace.

The Lord will fight for you, and you won’t have to do a thing. Exodus 14:14 CEV

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. Exodus 14:14 AMP

DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer or judge. Most of my knowledge about the law has been learned from television like Law & Order (loved that show). So having said that, this is only my opinion and is not legal counsel in any way and should not be construed as such. I can not be held responsible for any legal actions you choose to take or not take. If you are in need of legal counsel, please seek professional services.

God? Are You Listening?

I am a Galaxy girl, no offense to iPhone users. And since switching to a smartphone several years ago, I just could never see myself going back to a "non-smart phone." I have become dependent upon it more than I care to admit. My calendar, contacts and bible app are all on my phone.

Texting is part of my daily life. Whether its sending a heart emoji to David or a photo of my children to family members, I have come to rely upon it. When I send a text I expect that it has reached its intended recipient. I trust my cell phone to do its job so well that if I do send a text and don't receive a reply right away, I am not fretting over whether the message was actually sent. If the text was perhaps one that needed a timely response, I instead wonder why the recipient isn't replying to message that I sent. It never crosses my mind that the text didn't get to its recipient. I have complete faith in my cell.

Have you prayed today? Perhaps your prayer today was the same as yesterday's and the day before and many more before that. Are you waiting for God to answer that prayer that will take away the hurt, pain and suffering? Have you begun to doubt that God is listening to you? Are you doubting that he wants you to follow this path in which you find yourself? You are probably doubting that your prayers are being heard or even matter anymore.

Oh you wonderful spouse that God has called to stand for a reconciled or better marriage. What if you could just put as much trust in your prayers and God as you do on your cell phone and text messages. Believe without a doubt that your prayers have been received and God is working on your reply.

It is indeed a sad world when we don't doubt the workings of technology, that are constantly overtaken with malfunctions and viruses but instead we are filled with doubt and are ready to give up on a God who is perfect and never fails.

While there are many things the bible tells us we must do regarding our prayers being heard and answered, the first thing is trusting in God. If you can't even believe that He has heard you prayer, how could you ever believe that He is going to answer it?

After trusting that God hears your prayer, you must evaluate WHAT you are asking Him. God is not going to answer a prayer that goes against His will. Ex: Asking God to make your spouse come back to you isn't going to happen. God has given us each free will and He won't FORCE any of us do anything. We all make and live with our own choices.

We are certain that God will hear our prayers when we ask for what pleases him. 1 John 5:14 CEV

So you are now trusting God to hear your prayers and your prayers align with His word? Now what?

Now it is a matter of why you are asking for this prayer. I think this is the most overlooked part of prayer and probably the number one reason why prayers don't get answered. WHY? WHY? WHY? God knows our hearts and why we ask for the things we do.  We simply can not fool Him.

I have encountered many wives (David encourages husbands on a one on one level) and more times than not I know right away why God isn't answering their prayers. Their prayers are selfish and benefitting no one but themselves. No room for God to receive His glory.

Example: There was a woman who was praying for the restoration of her marriage. She said she didn't mind if her husband was saved before they restored because she believed that once they were reunited that He would eventually become saved with her influence. Even if he hadn't, she believed that she would be covered by God's grace and be able to sustain the relationship. She simply needed her marriage restored immediately.

Not caring whether her husband was saved - SELFISH
Believed SHE could be the one to bring him to Christ - SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS
Even if she couldn't, SHE would be covered in grace - MORE SELFISHNESS
She needed to be restored on her time table - MORE SELFISHNESS

That woman was me. So please don't think me unable to understand. I know the pains of a marriage in ruins and wanting more than anything to stop the hurt.

Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons. James 4:3 CEV

Prayer is the most effective form of communication you have with God. Don't waste your time on selfishness, asking for things that He would never do anyway and doubt. There is hope. He hears and answers prayer every day. I leave you with this...

Stay joined to me and let my teachings become part of you. Then you can pray for whatever you want, and your prayer will be answered. John 15:7 CEV

Standing Through Holy Week

For those of you who don't know, today is Holy Thursday or Maundy Thursday. It is the day that Jesus broke bread with his disciples, the Last Supper, and introduced what we now call Holy Communion.

In honor of such an important part of my Christian faith, I would like to break bread with all you, except this will be spiritual bread. That is the best bread! There are no carbs but tons of healing power for our hearts and soul.

Easter week is a very special time of year for me. I have three beautiful children and all of their birthdays are two weeks apart. So every year, one of the kids birthday's falls during or near Easter week. This year Easter week is right in between two birthdays. So our family will be literally celebrating some occasion for the better part of a month. That's fun isn't it?!

However what makes this time of year so special for me personally is the reminder that this was about the time of year where my life would change completely. My marriage's downward slope began right around my son's birthday which we just celebrated almost a week ago.

I like to think of that birthday celebration as my Holy Thursday. During my journey, that was the last time that we, as a family sat down and broke bread not knowing what was to come. I'm sure the disciples sat down to eat as they normally had without knowing that their world was about to go topsy turvy. I can relate. It was only several days later that my husband began to pull away.

The next few months of being separated from David was my Good Friday. I suffered and suffered. Please don't get me wrong. I could never compare my sufferings to that of Christ. But in my own scaled down way, I suffered many things.

When my divorce papers were served, that was my "ninth hour." Just as Jesus gave his last breath and died, I believed my marriage was also dead and my journey was over with nothing to show for all my sufferings.

Then came Saturday. It is often described as the day that Jesus simply laid in the tomb. To our natural eyes, nothing was happening besides the deterioration of his body. To those standing, Holy Saturday can easily relate to only seeing the deterioration of our marriages, family and life. The feeling of defeat and feeling foolish for believing that we could have had a restored marriage. The disciples too felt foolish for believing that Jesus could never die only to "see" otherwise.

But here comes the bread...the best bread. Holy Saturday was the most important day. It was the day that Jesus descended into the dark places to proclaim His victory in Spirit. Think about that. Victory was already at hand in the Spirit although in the physical and flesh in wasn't seen yet. God moved and gave humanity the biggest and best gift we could have ever received and in the flesh no one knew it. In the flesh they were moping around and lost their faith because of what they saw.

Oh sweet Resurrection Sunday. It came in with all its glory, spendor, pomp and circumstance. Finally celebrating in the flesh of what we could now see. Mary jumping for joy and clinging to Jesus after seeing him resurrected is all too familiar. When David asked if we could try again and come home, I too clung to him as my heart jumped for joy.

Jesus then basically tells Mary, don't jhust stand there hugging me, go and tell the brethern. And here I am telling you all of my brethern of resurrected marriage through written testimony and encouragement.

You may find yourself on the "Good Friday" of your marriage and some may find themselves on the brink of divorce or already divorced. Maybe that is your "Holy Saturday." But I want all of you to know that we can all experience a wonderful "Resurrection Sunday" in our marriages. We just have to get through Friday and Saturday first.


God Bless and Happy Holy Week!

Wondering Wednesdays - #1

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

I was wondering if your husband ever told you that he didn't love you when he left?

I have a running joke with women when I answer this question. I always say that men must have been given the same break-up handbook when they are boys to study and use when they grow-up because that is the go-to break-up line. Yes, my husband David, said he didn't love me anymore.

After David and I reconciled, we spoke about this very thing and what he told me astonished me. He told me that when he said he didn't love me anymore, he meant it with every fiber of his being. Talk about crushing!

If you find yourself in situation where your spouse has uttered these words to you, don't dismiss it. The hardening of hearts happens. And guess what? Pursuing a spouse with a hardened heart further pushes him or her away. The constant phone calls, texts, fb and social media messages makes your situation worse! If your spouse has filed (hardened heart) and you are refusing to sign the papers, your are further hardening their hearts toward you.

Think about it? If someone truly annoyed and frustrated you (someone other than your spouse) and constantly bothered you even though you have made it clear that you wanted them to leave you alone, how would that make you feel? Would the constant harassment make you want to spend time with them or even develop feelings of love for them? Of course not!

I had trouble understanding this until I thought about an old boyfriend that I broke up with and how much he annoyed me and wouldn't leave me alone once I told him that I wanted to end the relationship. Let's call him Phineas. I honestly couldn't think of another name...lol. Anyway, Phineas just couldn't understand that it was over. He called me all of the time or sent messages with my friends. He even tried to win me back by offering to pay for my college tuition. (Even thoughtful gestures can be taken as intrusive) When it dawned on me that I was Phineas in my relationship with my husband, I felt terrible. I made my husband feel the way Phineas made me feel.

Please don't be a Phineas! Love yourself and your spouse enough to give them space. My husband's heart eventually softened towards me and now he super duper loves me and now won't leave ME alone. Have you ever had a Phineas in your life or have you been behaving like a Phineas yourself?

I would love to hear your feedback. Leave a comment below!

If there is anyone actually named Phineas who just so happens to be reading this, I am truly sorry. I'm sure you are a lovely person. For the record, I don't know anyone named Phineas.