Tuesday, April 7, 2015

To Sign Or Not To Sign

Signing (or choosing not to) is always a hot topic of conversation with spouses trying to save their marriage. I have heard reasons for signing and not signing. With both sides usings cripture to back up their belief, one can be left wondering what to do. It is my hope that this post will lead you to a place pf peace whether you feel that is to sign or not.

Honestly signing or not signing isn't the issue. It is simply a heart matter. You have to ask yourself truly why you are choosing to do either. It all comes down to your motive.

Someone recently said that they were not going to sign the papers and went on to say that God doesn't approve of divorce. She would fight with everything she had to keep the divorce from happening.

I thought of David when I read this and when I first decided that I wasn't going to "allow" him to divorce me, how livid he was. I felt vindicated. Finally something I did and said got a rise out of him. He felt a little of the anger I was feeling for weeks.

I am so glad that I changed my mind. I realized (and fortunately early enough) that not signing was pushing David away. Not signing was a tactic of getting what I wanted on my terms. That translated into not trusting God to fight for me, but relying on myself. My heart was definitely not in the right place no matter how much I manipulated scripture to back me up. I was such a Pharisee. I used scripture as a crutch but God said first and foremost love. Keeping David hostage and thinking I could work things out better than God can was not love at all but selfish and self-righteous.

I realize that God hates divorce. I won't even argue anything to say the opposite, But I didn't file for divorce. I simply did as my husband asked of me. Like in any other situation, I had to be an obedient wife even if it hurt me. So therefore I was not displeasing God. In fact it was the exact opposite. I relied solely on Him and in the process remained the loving and obedient wife he called me to be. I trusted God alone to fight my battles for me. I didn't need a lawyer. God was my lawyer and His counsel was top notch.

I had no desire to hold my marriage hostage and when David asked me to sign the papers I told him that I would not fight him. Amazingly enough I later found out that it didn't matter if I signed or not. The divorce would have gone through anyway. So imagine fighting David, and pushing him further away from me would have been for nothing because the result was still unfavorable to me. I had asked him to please find out if I needed to go to court and if it wasn't necessary that I preferred to not go. He informed that I didn't need to appear in court, but it didn't even come to that.

After many events, (none of which were my doing) David stopped the divorce AFTER I had already signed the papers and God softened his heart towards me.

I am a realist and realize that my story, is not your story. I realize that there are going to some people whose divorce is going to be finalized. But my question to you is this. Do you believe that divorce is the end? Is God not greater than divorce?

I will not lie and say that signing was easy. It was hard and I was angry and sad. I cried and then cried some more. But signing was a huge turning point for me. It was then that I truly let go and let God. Not because I was so spiritual, but because I had no other choice. It was now truly God's way or no way. I had to take myself out of the equation. Eventually I found peace in not worrying about court dates and lawyer meetings and all that jazz because to me the divorce was as good as finalized. My heart had already accepted that I was no longer married and could now truly just live for God. In a bizarre way it was freeing.

If you find yourself not wanting to sign the papers, please check your motive. Are you not signing simply to spite your spouse? Do you believe holding your marriage hostage will soften your spouse's heart towards you? Are you afraid to take a HUGE leap of faith and allow God to fight your battles? Do you even know if your signature is even needed and you are battling for the sake of battling? Is your decision putting you at peace?

God has called us to love and be at peace.

The Lord will fight for you, and you won’t have to do a thing. Exodus 14:14 CEV

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. Exodus 14:14 AMP


DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer or judge. Most of my knowledge about the law has been learned from television like Law & Order (loved that show). So having said that, this is only my opinion and is not legal counsel in any way and should not be construed as such. I can not be held responsible for any legal actions you choose to take or not take. If you are in need of legal counsel, please seek professional services.

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