Wondering Wednesdays - #1

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

I was wondering if your husband ever told you that he didn't love you when he left?

I have a running joke with women when I answer this question. I always say that men must have been given the same break-up handbook when they are boys to study and use when they grow-up because that is the go-to break-up line. Yes, my husband David, said he didn't love me anymore.

After David and I reconciled, we spoke about this very thing and what he told me astonished me. He told me that when he said he didn't love me anymore, he meant it with every fiber of his being. Talk about crushing!

If you find yourself in situation where your spouse has uttered these words to you, don't dismiss it. The hardening of hearts happens. And guess what? Pursuing a spouse with a hardened heart further pushes him or her away. The constant phone calls, texts, fb and social media messages makes your situation worse! If your spouse has filed (hardened heart) and you are refusing to sign the papers, your are further hardening their hearts toward you.

Think about it? If someone truly annoyed and frustrated you (someone other than your spouse) and constantly bothered you even though you have made it clear that you wanted them to leave you alone, how would that make you feel? Would the constant harassment make you want to spend time with them or even develop feelings of love for them? Of course not!

I had trouble understanding this until I thought about an old boyfriend that I broke up with and how much he annoyed me and wouldn't leave me alone once I told him that I wanted to end the relationship. Let's call him Phineas. I honestly couldn't think of another name...lol. Anyway, Phineas just couldn't understand that it was over. He called me all of the time or sent messages with my friends. He even tried to win me back by offering to pay for my college tuition. (Even thoughtful gestures can be taken as intrusive) When it dawned on me that I was Phineas in my relationship with my husband, I felt terrible. I made my husband feel the way Phineas made me feel.

Please don't be a Phineas! Love yourself and your spouse enough to give them space. My husband's heart eventually softened towards me and now he super duper loves me and now won't leave ME alone. Have you ever had a Phineas in your life or have you been behaving like a Phineas yourself?

I would love to hear your feedback. Leave a comment below!

If there is anyone actually named Phineas who just so happens to be reading this, I am truly sorry. I'm sure you are a lovely person. For the record, I don't know anyone named Phineas.