Hello Gorgeous!

I have often said that my restoration journey was the most difficult thing I have ever done to date. I am pretty sure I will continue to say so for many more years to come. Looking back, it is hard to pinpoint what was hardest. Sometimes forgiving was hardest. I hated David for promising to love me through thick and thin and but instead walked out on me. Sometimes the hardest was the betrayal that burned me from deep within, gnawing away at me night after night. Sometimes it was the fear that I could not raise my children as a single mother or that I found myself having to without a choice. Other times it was the loneliness I felt. Often it was the rejection.  The rejection of someone I loved deeply. The rejection of all of our promises and future hopes. The rejection of me as a wife and a person. I felt like I just wasn't good enough.

The enemy used my pain to remind me over and over again that I wasn't good enough for David, my children or my life. I bought into it. Why shouldn't I? David had left. He said he didn't love me anymore. That was proof enough that I wasn't good enough. 

It took a while, but I learned I was wrong. God chased after me and when I began to believe that He loved me and had a will for my life, my outlook and focus began to change. I started to believe that I was good enough. I began to believe that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I then began to feel great about myself. If David couldn't see how wonderful I was, well then good riddance.

After having this new found love for myself and God, I didn't want restoration anymore. I was done with rejection and heartache. I was done with David. God, quickly convicted me on those thoughts and reminded me that I was good enough but so was David. All His children are, they just needed to open their eyes to see it. Sometimes they need their loved ones to stand in the gap long enough for the scales to be removed from their eyes.

He showed me how me giving up on David and my marriage was exactly what David had done and that my decision to let my marriage fall to the wayside would be worse than David's. Worse because I was the "enlightened" one and had a promise from God and still I choose the flesh nevertheless. Out of reverance for God alone did I make the decision to continue fighting. I had to ask God to show me how to see David how He saw David. I asked God to show me how to love David again.

Shortly after, David began to flirt and woo me with glances and words and it didn't take long before my feelings towards him began to heat up again. David began to do all of those things because I was a new creature. The fearfully and wonderfully made me, shone bright and David just couldn't help but fall in love with me too. How could he not? I was now gorgeous...on the inside, where it matters most.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 ESV