I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.
My spouse and I don't have children. Is there a chance for restoration?
When standers seek me out to ask this particular question their fear is usually something deeper than can God restore a marriage with no children. God can do all things. Amen? What they are really wanting to know is how can a marriage be restored if their is no reason for the prodigal to contact the stander. In many cases, children are the catalyst to keep communication between stander and prodigal open. Those in childless marriages can feel like they don't have that advantage or luxury.
In MY stand, my children were indeed a part of my restoration journey. It is because we had children that David kept any communication with me although he kept it to hello and goodbye (literally). I wondered if no communication would have been less painful than the constant rejection day after day. I'm sure to those who have no communication at all with their spouses they are shaking their heads no, right about now. However, I know whats it is like to be rejected daily. To be reminded daily through his phone calls that he no longer loved me and we had no future together. That took a toll of me.
If you are in a childless marriage and have little to no communication with your spouse, please don't believe your situation to be hopeless or impossible. God has allowed this in your life for a purpose. He gives us all qualities and gifts. I can imagine you may be a patient person and God gave this burden to you because you can handle it with Him as your strength. If you aren't a patient person, maybe God is trying to develop that in your personality for a future purpose.
Nevertheless, I can not pretend to know why God allows certain things for certain people but I do know that He loves us all equally and what He did for me, He can do for you, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE. Children or no children, near or far, believing spouse or unbelieving.
However, one of the most dangerous thing you can do is measure your victory according to someone else's restoration. We all have different journey's in life and while we may all be standers or have lots of things in common, your journey is your own unique story. Your roadmap to victory isn't the same as someone else's and trying to follow their roadmap will only get you lost and at a dead end. Your roadmap will become a testimony that will one day inspire someone that perhaps my journey couldn't.
So while God may use childen to help restore one marriage, He can use a friend, a pastor or a stranger to restore a childless one. Don't limit God to the ways He can restore anything. And if in this season you have no communication with your spouse, embrace it. God could be protecting you from harm or hurt that perhaps you aren't spiritually ready to handle.
Likewise, He could be working in the life of your spouse. Sometimes us standers develop a holier than our spouse attitude and take on the job of assistant Holy Spirit. If you spouse in as unbeliever or backslidden, this attitude may hurt more than help and God is keeping that from happening. There are so many reasons why you may have no communication, but if you have placed your trust in God, know that something is happening even if you can't see it.
I know that many standers have asked me how can their spouses see the changes they have made in their lives if their spouses aren't around to see it firsthand. My answer is this: You need to re-evaluate why you have changed. Was it for man (your spouse) or for God? If for man, than you haven't changed enough. Seek God and ask Him to show you the TRUE purpose of why you are standing. If for God, only He needs to see how you have changed. Everything else will fall into place when we seek to please Him first.
Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. 2 Corinthians 5:9 MSG