To Sign Or Not To Sign

Signing (or choosing not to) is always a hot topic of conversation with spouses trying to save their marriage. I have heard reasons for signing and not signing. With both sides usings cripture to back up their belief, one can be left wondering what to do. It is my hope that this post will lead you to a place pf peace whether you feel that is to sign or not.

Honestly signing or not signing isn't the issue. It is simply a heart matter. You have to ask yourself truly why you are choosing to do either. It all comes down to your motive.

Someone recently said that they were not going to sign the papers and went on to say that God doesn't approve of divorce. She would fight with everything she had to keep the divorce from happening.

I thought of David when I read this and when I first decided that I wasn't going to "allow" him to divorce me, how livid he was. I felt vindicated. Finally something I did and said got a rise out of him. He felt a little of the anger I was feeling for weeks.

I am so glad that I changed my mind. I realized (and fortunately early enough) that not signing was pushing David away. Not signing was a tactic of getting what I wanted on my terms. That translated into not trusting God to fight for me, but relying on myself. My heart was definitely not in the right place no matter how much I manipulated scripture to back me up. I was such a Pharisee. I used scripture as a crutch but God said first and foremost love. Keeping David hostage and thinking I could work things out better than God can was not love at all but selfish and self-righteous.

I realize that God hates divorce. I won't even argue anything to say the opposite, But I didn't file for divorce. I simply did as my husband asked of me. Like in any other situation, I had to be an obedient wife even if it hurt me. So therefore I was not displeasing God. In fact it was the exact opposite. I relied solely on Him and in the process remained the loving and obedient wife he called me to be. I trusted God alone to fight my battles for me. I didn't need a lawyer. God was my lawyer and His counsel was top notch.

I had no desire to hold my marriage hostage and when David asked me to sign the papers I told him that I would not fight him. Amazingly enough I later found out that it didn't matter if I signed or not. The divorce would have gone through anyway. So imagine fighting David, and pushing him further away from me would have been for nothing because the result was still unfavorable to me. I had asked him to please find out if I needed to go to court and if it wasn't necessary that I preferred to not go. He informed that I didn't need to appear in court, but it didn't even come to that.

After many events, (none of which were my doing) David stopped the divorce AFTER I had already signed the papers and God softened his heart towards me.

I am a realist and realize that my story, is not your story. I realize that there are going to some people whose divorce is going to be finalized. But my question to you is this. Do you believe that divorce is the end? Is God not greater than divorce?

I will not lie and say that signing was easy. It was hard and I was angry and sad. I cried and then cried some more. But signing was a huge turning point for me. It was then that I truly let go and let God. Not because I was so spiritual, but because I had no other choice. It was now truly God's way or no way. I had to take myself out of the equation. Eventually I found peace in not worrying about court dates and lawyer meetings and all that jazz because to me the divorce was as good as finalized. My heart had already accepted that I was no longer married and could now truly just live for God. In a bizarre way it was freeing.

If you find yourself not wanting to sign the papers, please check your motive. Are you not signing simply to spite your spouse? Do you believe holding your marriage hostage will soften your spouse's heart towards you? Are you afraid to take a HUGE leap of faith and allow God to fight your battles? Do you even know if your signature is even needed and you are battling for the sake of battling? Is your decision putting you at peace?

God has called us to love and be at peace.

The Lord will fight for you, and you won’t have to do a thing. Exodus 14:14 CEV

The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. Exodus 14:14 AMP

DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer or judge. Most of my knowledge about the law has been learned from television like Law & Order (loved that show). So having said that, this is only my opinion and is not legal counsel in any way and should not be construed as such. I can not be held responsible for any legal actions you choose to take or not take. If you are in need of legal counsel, please seek professional services.

God? Are You Listening?

I am a Galaxy girl, no offense to iPhone users. And since switching to a smartphone several years ago, I just could never see myself going back to a "non-smart phone." I have become dependent upon it more than I care to admit. My calendar, contacts and bible app are all on my phone.

Texting is part of my daily life. Whether its sending a heart emoji to David or a photo of my children to family members, I have come to rely upon it. When I send a text I expect that it has reached its intended recipient. I trust my cell phone to do its job so well that if I do send a text and don't receive a reply right away, I am not fretting over whether the message was actually sent. If the text was perhaps one that needed a timely response, I instead wonder why the recipient isn't replying to message that I sent. It never crosses my mind that the text didn't get to its recipient. I have complete faith in my cell.

Have you prayed today? Perhaps your prayer today was the same as yesterday's and the day before and many more before that. Are you waiting for God to answer that prayer that will take away the hurt, pain and suffering? Have you begun to doubt that God is listening to you? Are you doubting that he wants you to follow this path in which you find yourself? You are probably doubting that your prayers are being heard or even matter anymore.

Oh you wonderful spouse that God has called to stand for a reconciled or better marriage. What if you could just put as much trust in your prayers and God as you do on your cell phone and text messages. Believe without a doubt that your prayers have been received and God is working on your reply.

It is indeed a sad world when we don't doubt the workings of technology, that are constantly overtaken with malfunctions and viruses but instead we are filled with doubt and are ready to give up on a God who is perfect and never fails.

While there are many things the bible tells us we must do regarding our prayers being heard and answered, the first thing is trusting in God. If you can't even believe that He has heard you prayer, how could you ever believe that He is going to answer it?

After trusting that God hears your prayer, you must evaluate WHAT you are asking Him. God is not going to answer a prayer that goes against His will. Ex: Asking God to make your spouse come back to you isn't going to happen. God has given us each free will and He won't FORCE any of us do anything. We all make and live with our own choices.

We are certain that God will hear our prayers when we ask for what pleases him. 1 John 5:14 CEV

So you are now trusting God to hear your prayers and your prayers align with His word? Now what?

Now it is a matter of why you are asking for this prayer. I think this is the most overlooked part of prayer and probably the number one reason why prayers don't get answered. WHY? WHY? WHY? God knows our hearts and why we ask for the things we do.  We simply can not fool Him.

I have encountered many wives (David encourages husbands on a one on one level) and more times than not I know right away why God isn't answering their prayers. Their prayers are selfish and benefitting no one but themselves. No room for God to receive His glory.

Example: There was a woman who was praying for the restoration of her marriage. She said she didn't mind if her husband was saved before they restored because she believed that once they were reunited that He would eventually become saved with her influence. Even if he hadn't, she believed that she would be covered by God's grace and be able to sustain the relationship. She simply needed her marriage restored immediately.

Not caring whether her husband was saved - SELFISH
Believed SHE could be the one to bring him to Christ - SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS
Even if she couldn't, SHE would be covered in grace - MORE SELFISHNESS
She needed to be restored on her time table - MORE SELFISHNESS

That woman was me. So please don't think me unable to understand. I know the pains of a marriage in ruins and wanting more than anything to stop the hurt.

Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons. James 4:3 CEV

Prayer is the most effective form of communication you have with God. Don't waste your time on selfishness, asking for things that He would never do anyway and doubt. There is hope. He hears and answers prayer every day. I leave you with this...

Stay joined to me and let my teachings become part of you. Then you can pray for whatever you want, and your prayer will be answered. John 15:7 CEV