My Feelings Are Like A Yo-Yo

My husband David and I have had our house on the market for over a year. We even had a buyer and three days before closing, things went haywire and the deal fell through. My house was (and still is for the most part) packed up. So here we are living mostly packed and our house back on the market.

During this year-long ordeal, my feelings regarding selling our first home have yo-yo-ed. One day I want to cry, sad to leave my first house. I end up wanting to spend the rest of my days in the house where David and I rebuilt our lives after restoration. Other times I want to speed up the process and move onto the next chapter of our lives.

I expressed my feelings to David and was a little surprised that he also is experiencing the same yo-yo feelings of should we stay or should we go.  Funny enough, his reasons were more practical whereas mine were mostly emotional and nostalgic.

I am reminded of a time in my life where my feelings drastically changed from one minute to the next. David was gone and living his life. One day I would cry wanting to save my marriage and keep the vows I made to my husband. Sometimes the crying was for a much less noble reason and I wanted to ring his neck for betraying and abandoning me. Other days, I vowed to move on with my life and not care about him being as he didn't care about me. It was an exhaustive time in my life.

After David and I reconciled, he admitted to me that he too faced those same yo-yo feelings. He often times considered returning home and then decided against it for one reason or another. I was shocked to hear such a revelation. I would have never guessed it. He always seemed so sure of his decision to leave.

Are you experiencing the "Should I stand or should I go" conundrum? I have learned and have been reminded that emotions and feelings are poor substitutes for God's guidance. Our emotions are so unsteady and swaying just like a yo-yo. But God is constant and His word never changes.

In retrospect, I can see how the enemy was at play in those days. Fueled by anger and melancholy usually ended in my decision to no longer stand in the gap. My most rational and spirit filled decisions came from God's word and through meditation.

If you find yourself yo-yoing emotionally, I urge you to stand firm and grab ahold of the constant rock that never changes and offers a solid ground to stand firm on.

If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him, and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him; he will not resent it. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to tell you, for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind; and every decision you then make will be uncertain, as you turn first this way and then that. If you don’t ask with faith, don’t expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.

                                                                                                                       James 1:5-8

P.S.
The Holy Spirit guiding you, is never the wrong decision, no matter how others may feel or what they believe. Your journey is your own. God will talk to you about you if you are truly seeking His counsel. Trust that stirring within. God calls us to move in ways we can hardly begin to comprehend. Its how He builds faith and how HE gets the glory.

Endure It Better

I have tried many times to start a post and each time I haven't felt the spirit move me to write. I have literally sat at my laptop and stared at a blank screen urging the spirit in me. However, the spirit doesn't move that way. While in prayer this morning, I asked God to help me understand the disconnect I felt. He told me to seek Him more. Read more. Pray more. Endure it better.

In my life I have been facing a trial that has beaten me down immensely for over a year. I have had my ups and downs winning and losing battles. It seems lately that my losses outweigh my victories and for lack of a better term I feel defeated. I am tired and can barely lift my hands for another round of battles.

I realized that today in reading and in prayer. I have not endured my suffering well. That shames me. I have allowed bitterness, reluctance, confusion and doubt in my life. The constant battles wore me down and I allowed it. I thought back to my days of  being the most content with Christ and it was during one of the most difficult trials of my life. Yet during that time, I had such a strong relationship with God that I had joy in the midst of my trial.  Why don't I have that now?

I have become complacent in my walk with God. My brain knows what the bible says but somewhere along the way, my heart forgot it. I know God loves me but somewhere along the way my heart doesn't quite remember so much. I know I love God but somewhere along the way I got caught up in life and my relationship with Him took a backseat. How did this happen?! I go to church twice a week. I serve in ministry...a lot! I pray for a few minutes before bed or when I wake up. I read my bible plan almost everyday on the Bible App. I pray for people and over people. It isn't enough.

My shell of an empty Christian life is most evident in the depths of my heart. In the disconnect I felt during prayer when I realized it had been such a long tme that I actually waited quietly for God to speak to me rather than me doing all the talking, as had become my custom. The silence was awful. The response even worse. I realized how my daily plans and short prayers were pointless and a waste of time. God wants my heart and not my gestures. He wants me to endure trials better because it is during those trials that I should draw nearer and closer to Him and then I will be victorious through Him and only Him. He urged me to pray more, read more and endure it better. Not because I had to "do" something but because He misses me.

My complacency, while wrong, is not what bothers me most. It was my lack to endure my trial better. I belittled my God. I made Him small in my world. I made Him insignificant. I hurt Him with my unwillingness to allow Him to fight for me. Lord, I am sorry.

Have you been beaten down by trials? Has your walk with God become routine? Are you enduring trials and life well?

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let[e]endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Priorities

I am amazed at how God moves in my life. Opportunities to use His gifts are abundant and I am happy to strive and do all I can for His kingdom. However, I also know the tactic of busyness keeping me from me being a good daughter to my heavenly Father, a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my children.

My own personal relationship with Christ, being a good wife and a good mother are my first ministries and priorities. If I am unable to be a good stewart in those areas of my life, how can I ever believe that I can be successful in any other ministry or area of my life? God has given me a gift and I want to treasure my husband and my children.

Having said that, I wanted to let you all know that I am taking some time away from A Precious Vessel and My Restoration Journey to focus on my first ministries. You are all in my prayers and I will check in every now and then, when the Lord leads me to reach out to you.

In the meantime, be blessed and put God first in your life. Seek Christ above all things.

God Bless You,

Erica & Family

Planting Seeds

Hello Beautiful Readers! Today my post is serving two purposes, so be sure to read all the way down to the bottom.

Yesterday afternoon, after sitting on my couch stuffed from all of the BBQ, a relative of mine came in and sat on the couch. This particular relative is not a born again Christian. I believe this young man keeps God at arm's length, for reasons to many to list. Nevertheless when he seeks my or David's advice we always counsel from a Christian perspective. While I don't expect him to jump up after hearing our advice and proclaiming he is a born again Christian (although maybe I should), I do believe that David and I are planting seeds so that God will nuture and water how He see fit. Our job is to plant the seed. Amazingly enough, I have seen the little sprouts in his faith and it is quite wonderful to see. To God be the glory!

I wasn't always so brave to give Christian counsel. I could blame it on wisdom or lack thereof. I could blame it not finding the words because I don't know the bible as I probably should.  I am actually quite shy around those I don't know well, so I could blame it on my timid nature. I dislike confrontation, so I could blame it on keeping my peace. I could blame it on so many other things, but in reality my hindrance was fear.

I feared that I didn't have enough wisdom, enough bible study, enough boldness, enough backbone, enough of anything. My fear controlled me. I had to recgnize that if God called me to do it than He would give me the wisdom, the words, the boldness, the courage and everything else I need to JUST DO IT!

So having said that, I am calling all of you encouragers! I am in search of a few admins to help sow seeds into the My Restoration Journey Facebook Group and some to write encouraging posts that will be featured here on the blog and on the facebook page. Be a blessing to someone else, even in the midst of your own struggle.

Pen named encourages are more than welcome for I know that we want to encourage but do not want to use our real names. So if that is you, please feel free to use a pen name. I will train those who are may need a little help with the techincal side of things, which is very, very minimal.

Is the holy spirit been nudging you? If so, please contact me here or inbox me on Facebook for more details!

But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. Galatians 6:8 MSG

Happy Anniversary!

Sunday is my twelfth wedding anniversary. I am super excited and not for any particular reason other than I am celebrating being victorious in marriage one more year. This year was a doozy but we fought the good fight of faith and live to celebrate another anniversary. To God be the glory!

Thank you God for restoring me to You and then restoring him to me.

I ask for your protection over my marriage and the marriages of those fighting the good fight.

May You be the one to always shine through.

Tying God's Hands

You have probably heard it many time before, "God can do all things" or "God is all powerful". So how is it that little old human you, has the power to tie the hands of the Creator of Heaven and Earth and all living things? You probably didn't even know that you had that power.

Well actually, it's more like a curse than a power. When you choose to follow your own way, you tie God's hands to bring about His will for your life. When you choose to live separately from God you tie his hands to give your His promises. When you speak cursings upon others (name calling & slander) you tie God's hands to bless you with the ability to disciple. When you choose to doubt His word because they are going badly you tie His hands to deliver you from your persecution. When you stop believing and fighting the good fight of faith, you tie God's hands to deliver the victory.

Let go and let God. Love and honor Him. Speak life. Have faith. Trust in Him.

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.  When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.  When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. Jeremiah 29:11-14

Wondering Wednesdays #6 - How Can I Show I've Changed?

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

My spouse wants nothing to do with me. I was wondering how can I show them I've changed or convince them we can work it out?

More often than not, I get this question asked in two parts. The fact that I get this question asked in two parts (show them I've changed and convince them to work it out) is very telling. It tells me where the heart and mind of a stander is. Last week I touched on a little on this question. (Click here to read WW #5).

Whether your spouse wants nothing to do with you because of you (your words, attitude, actions, etc..) or because of them (they've moved on, hardened heart, etc...), wanting to make your marriage work is a painful experience. I often say and will continue to say that God is allowing your journey for a purpose and the main purpose is for restoration with Him BEFORE restoration with your spouse. Let me be clear. God DID NOT cause your marital problems, but He is waiting in the wings ready and able to be the husband you need (for wife standers) and an example of a what a good husband is (for husband standers).

He wants you to seek to please Him first and show HIM you've changed. Your spouse is secondary in the matter. Let me repeat...your spouse is secondary in the matter. Now, I'm sure there are some of you that think that is a load of bull. Congratulations for proving my point. How much have you really changed if you are more concerned with pleasing your spouse above God? Your words can fool me, Aunt Sue and Uncle Hugh but God can not be fooled. Check your heart and ask yourself if you have made an idol of your husband and even your marriage restoration above please God.

Convincing my hubby to work it out isn't my area of expertise. I failed at that more times than I care to count, but for the sake of this post I will give you a few examples. I wrote David a letter. FAIL. I begged. FAIL. I cried. FAIL. I argued. FAIL. I used the kids as an excuse (although valid, I was thinking more of myself... A big regret of mine). FAIL. I called him mercilessly. BIG FAIL. I quoted him scripture. BIGGEST FAIL. Those were all manipulation tactics. 

I had to learn (after so many fails) that my job wasn't to convince or manipulate David to work it out. In retrospect, I am so glad that I had failed at convincing David to return. I had to learn what it felt like to be truly loved and how to truly love to know that I shouldn't have to convince or manipulate my spouse to come home. I only learned that after falling in love with Jesus and seeing how much He truly loved me and equally important, how much I purely loved Him. David had to have an encounter with God so he could find a relationship with God as I had. It was then that he decided he WANTED to come home, I didn't have to convince him of anything.

Here is my advice for you. Aim to please God and not man. Develop a loving relationship with God. And pray for your spouse to have an encounter with God. Not for the purpose of coming home because that is still making an idol of restoration. But because you want your spouse to have a relationship with God that will change his life for the better. 

He Can!

It is mind blowing to sit outside and watch nature. In the span of a few minutes, one can see clouds move, the sun shine, birds airborne, bugs in the dirt, bees on flowers, leaves on trees rustling in the wind. Hours later you can look up at the moon and stars, hear an owl hoot but not hear the chirping of birds. A firefly passes by illuminating the sky for a quick moment and a dog barks in the distance. All of this happens in the span of 24 hours and then repeats itself. Nothing changes it. We always have daytime, whether we can see the sun through the clouds or not. Night time always arrives at its appointed time. Birds are flying whether in the north or the south. Fish are swimming.

God created it all. Every living thing. Everyday, there is so much going on in the natural simultaenously that we don't see with the naked eye or simply don't give our attention to. Bees creating honey and hives, worms making holes in the soil, birds building nests, waves crashing against the shore, the sun setting and rising and the moon waiting its turn. There is such order and a delicate balance, its simply miraculous.

But us humans in our weaknesses and limited knowledge doubt God's ability to keep His promises. He made the heavens and the earth. He made us. Can He truly not restore your family, marriage, health, finances or friendships? Of course He can! We just need to take a look around and marvel at His works and all He can do. He is everywhere. Have faith in Him.

What Did You Say?!

This week has been a reminder and wide opener in my family. My baby girl is a year old and her first word was hello. Not Mama or Dada. She says those too along with stop, out and shush.

At her first year check-up when asked how many words does she say,  I began making a metal count. I was embarrassed to recollect that many of the words she knows have a negative connatation to them. I could have easily shifted the blame but I took stock of how she learned these words. My baby girl learned those words from me! Whenever I am putting her down for a nap and my older children try to come in and play with her, I tell them out, out out! At any given time of the day,  I am yelling for my son to STOP running up and down the stairs or arguing with his sister. I am constantly shushing my oldest who talks ten octaves above normal (I've had her hearing checked. Twice...it's normal. She's just loud.) It's not all bad however. My baby girl also calls her daddy, Babe, just like I do quite often.

Our words and how we speak them are powerful instruments. They mold and shape EVERY relationship. It is through sweet words that a man can woo a woman. It is through compliments that a woman can woo a man. It is through instruction that a parent disciplines and a teacher teaches. It is through arguing that a friendship can end. An "I love you" can make a person's heart soar and "It's over," can make it hurt.

God spoke creation into existence. The enemy used words to deceive Eve. It is my belief that we have the power to plant and nurture seeds in our hearts and in the hearts of others with our words as well as kill a seed. Are you speaking words of love and growth for your marriage and children or are you talking more about divorce and everything your spouse has done wrong? Are you speaking more about how you hurt or about how God is your refuge? Are you speaking more about what you want God to do or thanking and praising Him for what He has already done?

Words kill, words give life;   they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. Proverbs 18:21

Speak Life by TobyMac

Hello Gorgeous!

I have often said that my restoration journey was the most difficult thing I have ever done to date. I am pretty sure I will continue to say so for many more years to come. Looking back, it is hard to pinpoint what was hardest. Sometimes forgiving was hardest. I hated David for promising to love me through thick and thin and but instead walked out on me. Sometimes the hardest was the betrayal that burned me from deep within, gnawing away at me night after night. Sometimes it was the fear that I could not raise my children as a single mother or that I found myself having to without a choice. Other times it was the loneliness I felt. Often it was the rejection.  The rejection of someone I loved deeply. The rejection of all of our promises and future hopes. The rejection of me as a wife and a person. I felt like I just wasn't good enough.

The enemy used my pain to remind me over and over again that I wasn't good enough for David, my children or my life. I bought into it. Why shouldn't I? David had left. He said he didn't love me anymore. That was proof enough that I wasn't good enough. 

It took a while, but I learned I was wrong. God chased after me and when I began to believe that He loved me and had a will for my life, my outlook and focus began to change. I started to believe that I was good enough. I began to believe that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I then began to feel great about myself. If David couldn't see how wonderful I was, well then good riddance.

After having this new found love for myself and God, I didn't want restoration anymore. I was done with rejection and heartache. I was done with David. God, quickly convicted me on those thoughts and reminded me that I was good enough but so was David. All His children are, they just needed to open their eyes to see it. Sometimes they need their loved ones to stand in the gap long enough for the scales to be removed from their eyes.

He showed me how me giving up on David and my marriage was exactly what David had done and that my decision to let my marriage fall to the wayside would be worse than David's. Worse because I was the "enlightened" one and had a promise from God and still I choose the flesh nevertheless. Out of reverance for God alone did I make the decision to continue fighting. I had to ask God to show me how to see David how He saw David. I asked God to show me how to love David again.

Shortly after, David began to flirt and woo me with glances and words and it didn't take long before my feelings towards him began to heat up again. David began to do all of those things because I was a new creature. The fearfully and wonderfully made me, shone bright and David just couldn't help but fall in love with me too. How could he not? I was now gorgeous...on the inside, where it matters most.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 ESV

The Bigger Picture

My eight year old son, Daniel, is a wonderful kid that has a knack for getting into spats. He wears his heart on his sleeve and isn't afraid to tell ANYONE exactly how he feels about anything, good, bad or indifferent. Feeling down about himself and his constant spatting I prayed for the Lord to show me how to help my son.

First the Lord reminded me that He created Daniel just as He needed him. Daniel is a tough kid now and will be one in the future when he is working for God's kingdom and encountering  attacks from the enemy and those who will wish to tear him down. God showed me that Daniel needs to be tough for what He has planned for him and in the meantime it is my job to teach him compassion. What is the need of being tough when Daniel is out and doing God's work if he has no compassion for the lost?

I thanked God for His assurance and wisdom and began to pray for myself as Daniel's mother. I mean the kid is stubborn and no mommy coaching was going to "fix" him. I know I have a lot of headaches coming my way.

You see, my sight was focused on the wrong thing. I was trying to change Daniel to suit my needs and make my life easier. I didn't want a child that wore his heart on his sleeve and wasn't afraid of anyone.  But God showed me my selfishness. Rather than seeing him as a problem child or "bad," God showed me the treasure he is. He blessed me with a tough kid and it is my job to use my compassionate nature to help train him in the way he should go so that when the time comes, God can use him for what he was destined for.

Have you been looking at your journey in the wrong way?  Have you only sought how it can benefit only you and make your life easier? It has been my experience, not just with Daniel but my life, that God always has a bigger plan and when we focus on only ourselves and our wants, we end up making wrong choices and in turn making our journey's a lot longer and rougher.

Ask God to help you refocus. Be willing to take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." Isaiah 55:8

Photo is of Andres Amador creating sand art. Up close its hard to see what he is creating but when you take a look from higher and more distant ground, you see a masterpiece.

Wondering Wednesdays #5 - Is A Childless Marriage Restoration Possible?

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

My spouse and I don't have children. Is there a chance for restoration?

When standers seek me out to ask this particular question their fear is usually something deeper than can God restore a marriage with no children. God can do all things. Amen? What they are really wanting to know is how can a marriage be restored if their is no reason for the prodigal to contact the stander. In many cases, children are the catalyst to keep communication between stander and prodigal open. Those in childless marriages can feel like they don't have that advantage or luxury.

In MY stand, my children were indeed a part of my restoration journey. It is because we had children that David kept any communication with me although he kept it to hello and goodbye (literally). I wondered if no communication would have been less painful than the constant rejection day after day. I'm sure to those who have no communication at all with their spouses they are shaking their heads no, right about now. However, I know whats it is like to be rejected daily. To be reminded daily through his phone calls that he no longer loved me and we had no future together. That took a toll of me.

If you are in a childless marriage and have little to no communication with your spouse, please don't believe your situation to be hopeless or impossible. God has allowed this in your life for a purpose. He gives us all qualities and gifts. I can imagine you may be a patient person and God gave this burden to you because you can handle it with Him as your strength. If you aren't a patient person, maybe God is trying to develop that in your personality for a future purpose.

Nevertheless, I can not pretend to know why God allows certain things for certain people but I do know that He loves us all equally and what He did for me, He can do for you, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE. Children or no children, near or far, believing spouse or unbelieving. 

However, one of the most dangerous thing you can do is measure your victory according to someone else's restoration. We all have different journey's in life and while we may all be standers or have lots of things in common, your journey is your own unique story. Your roadmap to victory isn't the same as someone else's and trying to follow their roadmap will only get you lost and at a dead end. Your roadmap will become a testimony that will one day inspire someone that perhaps my journey couldn't. 

So while God may use childen to help restore one marriage, He can use a friend, a pastor or a stranger to restore a childless one. Don't limit God to the ways He can restore anything. And if in this season you have no communication with your spouse, embrace it. God could be protecting you from harm or hurt that perhaps you aren't spiritually ready to handle. 

Likewise, He could be working in the life of your spouse. Sometimes us standers develop a holier than our spouse attitude and take on the job of assistant Holy Spirit. If you spouse in as unbeliever or backslidden, this attitude may hurt more than help and God is keeping that from happening. There are so many reasons why you may have no communication, but if you have placed your trust in God, know that something is happening even if you can't see it.

I know that many standers have asked me how can their spouses see the changes they have made in their lives if their spouses aren't around to see it firsthand. My answer is this: You need to re-evaluate why you have changed. Was it for man (your spouse) or for God? If for man, than you haven't changed enough. Seek God and ask Him to show you the TRUE purpose of why you are standing. If for God, only He needs to see how you have changed. Everything else will fall into place when we seek to please Him first.

Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that’s what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. 2 Corinthians 5:9 MSG

Prayer For The Mother of My Children

Mother's Day is upon us and for me the celebrations begin today. My son has invited me to a tea party for just he and I. He made it very clear that he despises tea parties for several reasons. First and foremost, with evident disgust he said that tea parties are for girls. He then made a gagging sound. Secondly, he pointed out that there is never enough food at a tea party. Lastly he rolled his eyes and said that only wimps like that kind of stuff and he'd rather not starve. Realization of his words set in and he quickly made it clear that I, his mother,  am not a wimp. Nevertheless he set up a tea party for the two of us although he would rather do anything else apparently.

My daughter went shopping with her Dad and purchased me a very cute dress to wear for Mother's Day. Lord willing, tomorrow we are giving each other manicures and pedicures before we start doing our hair. A day of pampering is just what we need. Although her gift to me was the dress, her qualty time is what I treasure more.

When David asked what I wanted, I told him "nothing" as I do every year. All I truly want are his prayers for me, not just as his wife but as the mother of his children. So if there are any men out with children reading this, whether she is your wife or not, pray for the mother of your children.

Heavenly Father, I pray for the mother of my children.
You have given her a job that is of such importance
in the life of my children.
Bless her with love, wisdom, discernment and patience.
Be an ever present help during her difficult times of mothering.
Surround her with others who will teach her, guide her and
comfort her when she is in need.
Keep her mind and soul fixed on your ways
so that she make wise decisions for our children.
Show her how to be equally a nurturer as well as a disciplinarian.
Teach her how to be a Godly example of a
Christian woman to my daughters.
Allow my sons to see in her, biblical qualities that they
will one day want their wives to possess.
Bless her endeavors, dreams and goals for a better future.
But today God, simply bless her as your daughter
and the mother of my children.

Is God Really Talking To Me?

One of the issues that I dealt with early on in my Christian walk was the ability to discern whether or not God was talking to me.  I remember sitting in my bedroom and praying quietly and waiting for God to speak to me. The silence was deafening. I began to doubt myself and wondered if I was truly saved or forgiven. Was God mad at me after all? Why was He ignoring me?

So the Jews surrounded Him and began asking Him, How long are You going to keep us in doubt and suspense? If You are really the Christ (the Messiah), tell us so plainly and openly. John 10: 24 AMP

Not wanting to give up, I continued to pray and continued not hearing anything. Truth be told, I didn't even know what I was supposed to be listening for. I had heard so many times that He speaks to your heart and it is a still small voice. What?! Were these people for real?  What did that even mean? Nutjobs!

Jesus answered them, I have told you so, yet you do not believe Me [you do not trust Me and rely on Me]. The very works that I do by the power of My Father and in My Father’s name bear witness concerning Me [they are My credentials and evidence in support of Me]. John 10:25 AMP

Although I still didn't hear the Lord speaking to me, I found comfort in believing that I was saved and just figured that the relationship with God was one-sided. Would the Creator of the universe have time to talk with me?! How ridiculous was I to even hope for such a thing?

But you do not believe and trust and rely on Me because you do not belong to My fold [you are no sheep of Mine]. John 10:26 AMP

Over time, as I read the bible more and prayed wholeheartedly, I began to hear that still small voice and I marveled in it. I began to pray day and night just so that I could talk to God. Not to ask for restoration or any thing else. The fact that I could communicate with God astounded me. Hearing God after that seemed like breathing. Washing dishes, I heard Him. Walking to the park with the kids, I heard Him. Cooking dinner, cleaning my apartment, volunteering, I heard Him.

The sheep that are My own hear and are listening to My voice; and I know them, and they follow Me. John 10:27 AMP

Looking back I realized that I didn't hear God at first because I didn't know Him. While I didn't doubt His existence I doubted His character and love for me. I didn't know all of His promises and ways. I simply didn't know much about Him. It was in KNOWING Him that I began to truly love Him and being able to follow Him wholeheartedly and actually hear Him. Only those who know Him, can hear Him. You can only do that through His word and prayer. There are no shortcuts or secret tips to knowing God. Prayer and His Word are it. I am proud to say that I am now one of the nutjobs!

Have you heard the Lord speaking to you? Do you truly know Him?

Wondering Wednesays: Where Have You Been?

Hello All. I have received a few messages, emails, facebook pokes and the like, everyone wondering where I have been. What better day that Wondering Wednesday for me to fill you all in.

First, please forgive me for my disappearance. This blog is very important to me as is this ministry I feel called to so please believe that although I wasn't here, you were all in my thoughts and prayers and my absence was not merely a fanciful whim.

As many of you may know, I was sick. What I though was the flu turned out not to be flu. In fact I have no idea what it was, but I do know that it took me out of commission for a few days and then a few more days of taking it easy. As if it that weren't bad enough, David had to leave on a business trip the day before I got and was gone for a week so I had to tend to the children alone. Bless my mom's heart she came over and helped when she could.

With being stuck in bed with severe headaches and fever, I loss a lot of time from work that I had to catch up on. During catch-up I received several weird phone calls. It wasn't the first time that I had received these unknown calls 2 or 3 times in a row. Most times I don't answer but to stop the repeat caller I answered to no one speaking on the other end.

Several weeks before all of this I had mentioned to David that something in my spirit was off. A sense of warning had begun to grow and grow. He mentioned that it was possible that he may be transferred to another state for work. I wanted to believe that was what God was warning me of, but deep down I knew that wasn't what was wrong although moving to another state was not something I was too thrilled about.

After receiving these calls (as I have had many times before and simply ignored) that sense of dread came full force. After finishing up some work, I decided to check my phone records. I couldn't help but wonder if someone was trying hide their phone number. What I discovered was shocking and scary. For the sake of my private life I will simply disclose that David and I had a stalker on our hands and the many many unknown calls was from the same person.

I immediately called David and with him thousands of miles away, he went into protective husband mode. For the sake of my children and family, I took precautionary measures to block this person from seeing more of my life which included staying clear of social media.

Thank God, the situaton has been taken care of and my social media was safe. David returned from his trip and the very next day came down with whatever I had the previous week. So for the past few days I have been giving him my full attention and pampering him. He is after all my first ministry.

I am so blessed that the Holy Spirit guided me to get that scary situation exposed because there is no telling what would have happened had this person continued. It is times like this that I am so grateful that I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit's nudging.

So now that you are all caught up on the life of EK for the past few weeks, I pray you are ready pick up where we left off.

David and I will continue to answer questions together twice a month, so please please please send in your questions. I will also resume Wondering Wednesdays.

What Are YOU Doing for Baltimore?

I am still recovering from the flu but today is the first day, in a few days that I have been able to even look at my screen, so for that I am grateful.

Hearing of all the tragic news surrounding Baltimore, I had to risk a headache to reach out to you all.  My heart is so saddened by what is transpiring there and I felt so helpless. When I hear of such sorrow on a massve scale like this brought on by human actions, I even can feel hopeless.

It can sometimes feel like we Christians are in the background while the enemy is front and center. It appears that we are losing and he is winning. The hold that he can have on so many that can create such hate, violence, looting and murder (on both sides of the law) can be overwhelming.

Just looking at the news footage, most of who you see are teenagers and young adults. We are losing are youth rapidly and destructively. Where do we fall in the scheme of things. Should we simply turn our backs because they are not children or it isn't our town. Never let it be.

If teenagers and gangs can create such a riot, why can't we as a united front, create a spiritual riot? Chains need to be broken there and if not us to pray and break those chains, then who? Please don't think you can't help. Prayer is more important than the power and hatred.

We need to put the enemy under our feet and claim back what was stolen. Our children, our youth, our cities, our safety, our peace.

I URGE you to please pray with my wholeheartedly for Baltimore and its residents. Don't just believe that someone else is praying and that you don't need to. That is a lie of the enemy. We all need to gather is His name.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

I promise that when any two of you on earth agree about something you are praying for, my Father in heaven will do it for you. 20 Whenever two or three of you come together in my name,[d] I am there with you. Matthew 18:19-20

Break Every Chain - Tasha Cobbs

Break Every Chain - Jesus Culture

Smarty Pants

I grew up with parents whose education was limited due to their circumstances, so my mother never helped with homework. She couldn't. At an early age I learned to rely on myself in order to get things done. I studied and did homework alone.

By fourth grade, I was admitted into an excelled academics program and never looked back. I remember being in the fifth grade and had a major role in the school play and asking my aunt for helping learning my many lines. She refused to help me. I vowed never to ask anyone for help ever again. Rather than just learning my own lines, I memorized the entire play. Yep, I knew everyone's lines.  

All the way through high school I was an honors student and graduated in the top ten percent of my graduating class, all on my own. I got my first real job at 14 and worked up until I got married. My parents provided for my basic needs but anything extra I had to work and pay for myself.

I am not complaining, however. It taught me the value of hard work and I appreciated what I earned. Nevertheless it also warped my thinking into believing that I had to do EVERYTHING on my own. You know the old adage, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." That was what I lived by. Admittedly I still have an issue asking anyone for help. If I don't know the answer to something, I research it until I do. Thats probably why I am so good at Trivia Crack...lots of useless information in my brain.

When it came time to letting go and letting God I was stuck. I simply didn't know how to do that. I wanted to, I really wanted to. In my heart I knew I couldn't do it better than He could, but my head wouldn't get out of the way. More times than I care to admit, I stuck my two cents into a situation that I had handed over to God and EVERY SINGLE TIME, I made things worse. I was so arrogant in my intelligence. I thought I always knew best.

I literally had to see myself fail over and over again before my head finally got the picture. I knew I was supposed to live by faith and all of that, but I just didn't know how to do that. I had to fall flat on face due to my own plans before I finally gave up. 

So if you find yourself messing up many many times, please don't be discouraged. God is waiting in the wings ready and able to take over the reigns but only when you are ready to let go. It is only when you are at your wit's end and let go that He can truly move and than He may be glorified. 

Don’t let the wise brag of their wisdom. Don’t let heroes brag of their exploits. Don’t let the rich brag of their riches. If you brag, brag of this and this only: That you understand and know me. I’m God, and I act in loyal love. I do what’s right and set things right and fair, and delight in those who do the same things. Jeremiah 9:23-24

Wondering Wednesdays #4 - I Need Advice

I get asked lots of question from wives who are standing or simply having marital troubles and I am always amazed at how someone on one side of the country is experiencing the exact same thing as someone else a thousand miles away. So I have decided that every Wednesday I will answer your thought provoking questions. And by all means, please feel free to send me your questions and I will try to answer them on Wednesday's blog post which I have dubbed Wondering Wednesdays.

This is so hard. I was wondering if you had any advice?

Straight and to the point. There is no way around the pain. You are supposed to be in pain and this is supposed to be extremely hard.

I know you were probably hoping for a more tangible response. A how-to get rid of the pain response, but the truth is, the pain is part of the journey. If it didn't hurt so much, you wouldn't care to find a solution. If it didn't hurt so much, you would have moved on with your life and not given restoration a second thought.

If it wasn't so difficult no marriage would end in divorce BUT there would be so many people who wouldn't have given their lives to Christ in the process. That includes me, David, my three children, a few family members and some of you who gave their lives to Christ as a result of my testimony. I would have never imagined enduring so much pain could result in so much eternal life.

However, God didn't cause this pain and if truth be told, I am sure you can think of reasons where both you and your spouse have failed. If you believe you have no blame, that is another matter altogether. Like in the story of Job, God is allowing the pain in hopes that you turn to Him for the answer of how to find true peace. You can only find true peace in Christ.

When times got especially difficult for me, I had to take a step back from pain and look at the bigger picture. For me, my #1 priority eventually became David's salvation. I made a promise to love him no matter what and I was determined to keep my vow. If I gave up when times got hard, how did that make me any different than David when he walked out when it got hard? It wouldn't.

So when David said hurtful things or moved on with his life, I had to take my eyes off of him and put my eyes on Him. I found that when I began to move on with Christ, me heart and life shifted.

In this pain God wants to reveal Himself to you and if you TRULY seek Him, you will find Him. I PROMISE you that a deep personal relationship with Christ will help you go through the fire. He never said you wouldn't endure hardship but He did say that He will be with you through it all.

So my advice in a nutshell...

Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [CONSISTENLY] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). Psalm 55:22

Together Tuesdays - David's Softening Heart

Over the years, I have had lots of women ask me questions about David's point of view. Since I can not speak for David, he has wonderfully agreed to share his side of the journey and answer your questions. As the Lord leads us, some Tuesdays will be dedicated to us posting together, our sides of each question as a husband and wife and a stander and prodigal. So please feel free to reach out to us with your questions.


Our question today comes from Mary. She asks:

David, what changed your mind about Erica? How did you start loving her again?

DAVID: It took a while before I started to have feelings for Erica again. At first I was content with living single, focused on my career and being able to do what I wanted to do. I didnt have to answer to anyone. I was so focused on my career and the fast track I was on. I felt that we just didn't have anything in common.

To answer your question, I did not start to have a change of heart toward Erica until almost a year after we seperated. I started to see a change for the better. Erica found Christ & a great church. I was happy to see a change in her and to see her with such different beliefs. Growing up Catholic I had never experienced different views of religion and her's confused me. I found her beliefs intriguing yet not necessarily right for me. I ended up visiting the church that Erica was attending out of curiosity. We started to talk about my experiences while there and our new found faith gave us a starting point for being on the same page.

I didn't own a bible and to my surprise Erica purchased me a study bible. We started reading together every night. Little did I know, that one encounter with God after visiting Erica's church is what gave us a breath of fresh air in our relationship.

ERICA: Thanks Mary for the question. I can not obviously answer this question but I can tell you my side of what David has said. During my stand, I also didn't own a bible and purchased a King James Version because it was pink...lol. A friend and mentor, Karen, blessed me with a study bible and it was my lifeline. I still own the bible but it now has no cover and is truly worn. It was truly put to use. Knowing that David didn't own a bible and his hinting at wanting one, I felt so led to bless him as I was blessed, not as a ploy to get him to read with ME, but simply because I wanted him to read the bible. I was so happy that I was able to help provide a way for the seed my church planted to grow. My main priority was his salvation.

In My Restoration Journey I wrote about the role our home church played in our restoration. I will forever be grateful for the loving people who had (and still have no idea) such an impact in our lives simply because they were and still are warm and loving Christian people.

If you would like to send us your questions, please visit the Contact Page.

Open Your Eyes

Several months ago, while sitting in Sunday service, the Lord gave me a prophetic vision for someone. Everytime I am given a vision for someone else (its happened only a handful of times), I get really nervous. Sometimes its good news, other times its a warning.

This particular vision was for a woman who was having marital problems but God's message was a beautiful vision for her. It was about her future in particular but I also saw her husband by her side. However, it also came with a warning.

Sometimes people don't care to hear warnings, especially from someone who has no credibility as a "prophet." Let me just get this out of the way now. I am not claiming to be a prophet. The Lord simply uses me every now and then to deliver a message and visions is how he communicates with me what He wants to share.

This woman was excited about the blessing but had a bit of a hard time accepting the warning but was gracious enough with me and thanked me for being a faithful servant in delivering God's message.

Unforunately, she chose to not heed the warning and as a result her heart was hardened and she decided to stop fighting for her marriage. She instead filed for divorce. It broke my heart but I am only the messenger and once a heart has hardened, no words from me can change a person's mind. I have to just trust God to reach her some other way.

The whole point of me writing about her was to make you aware of how the enemy is crafty, cunning and out to steal your blessing with DISTRACTIONS. A particular distraction.

This beautiful woman of God got distracted. A woman who grew up in the church and had a thriving ministry gave in to this distraction. As I stated, the enemy is crafty. He knew what she lacked in her marriage and what she wanted most - a faithful husband that would fight for her and their marriage. Up until her distraction she was wanting to save her marriage.

Being as cunning as he is, the enemy enticed her with a "Christian" man that gives her lots of attention, as well as her young child, although she is still married. Just like that, the beautiful vision God had for her was thrown to the wayside and the enemy succeeded in stealing her blessing.

Have you been paying close attention? Has someone been distracting you? Is there a woman or man that has caught your eye and they seem like a better solution than the enduring pain of standing for your spouse? Don't be fooled. The enemy is on the prowl and you are his target. Open your eyes and be wise. This man or woman that has tempted you is not a gift from God whether they know you are married or not.

Be even more careful if they claim to be a Christian and know you are married, yet they still pursue you. That is a nicely wrapped trap.

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. 1 Peter 5:8

P.S. Some readers may feel the need to criticize this woman. If so, you are missing the point of this post entirely. My point in telling you this story isn't to condemn her. Rather than judge her, pray for her. It is also a warning to all of us, to keep our eyes open so that we don't end up throwing away a blessing. So my prayer for her is that God's will be done in her life, whatever that may be.